Trying something new this week! Here's a 100 word flash story based on a photo prompt via the #FridayFictioneers.
The Memory House
It's our first kiss. You stand on the porch in new jeans, and your hands in your pockets. I laugh at how nervous you are. Or it's our wedding day. You come and steal a kiss through the window. This time you're not nervous. Or am I pregnant with our first child? My stomach is round and huge, and you rub at it laughing, for good luck you say as we sit on the steps.
I wait for the time machine to stop spinning. Always, it brings me back here. I hope this time I find you waiting.
Aw. Love the title and the concept. I think I just didn't like the "or"s. Felt like she was asking me, instead of telling me, the story, you know?
The last line is heartbreaking.
Listening to too much Adele and Leona Lewis these days LOL Wanted to try something that involved romance. Thanks Kristan!
I can see the objection to the multiple principle uses of "or." They function the same way, her prying at his intentions. I don't know if I was turned off by them. Her affection for his intentions is strong enough for me.
Nice to see a different interpretation!
Cool use of the prompt, very Time Travelers Wife. I like it. And I'm with John, I think you could drop the "or"s and it would be just a strong.
Ahh that was what was in my mind while I was writing this! Only the wife's gone, instead of the husband.
Idk, I kind of like the "or"s. It contributes to the disorienting nature of being subject to the time machine--like she's not so much talking to "him" as she is trying to sort through her recollections. I didn't like it at first, but in the end it made sense to me. :)
Oh, btw, I forgot to say how excited I was to see you try the 100-word challenge!
Ahh that was the intent! I was wondering if anyone would notice her confusion. I probably didn't make it terribly clear, but I'm glad it made sense to you.
Interesting POV, anyone know what its called? (where the reader is a character in the story, but not the narrator)
One hundred word flash fiction is a tough stitch. I like that you turned it into a riddle. It doesn't feel like a story (beginning, middle, end), but then again I don't read much flash fiction and not all stories follow classic plot mechanics. This does reminds me of a writing quote that goes like this: "the queen dies and then the king dies are events, the queen dies and then the king dies of a broken heart is a plot." The point of the quote is to show that plot is ruled by cause and effect, but there is such a thing as anti-plot where seemingly random events drive the narrative. The Big Lebowski is an example of anti-plot. Can you tell I've been reading Robert McKee?
I'm not sure if the POV has a name (Some variation on the 2nd person perhaps?), and 100 words turned out to be a lot less space than I bargained for. Not sure if I was successful or not, but it was interesting to try. I've actually been thinking about plot - and anti-plot. There are interesting takes on the subject, and disagreement. I should write a post on that as well sometime. :) I've never read McKee, but I get the idea.
Intriguing image. The questions about reality act as a good hook to push you deeper into this story.
P.S. Do you have a setting that disables comments on old stories? Just curious... working through my RSS feeder backlog.
Anything older than two weeks is disabled (mostly due to spam). You could always just comment here LOL a little messy, but I'd get them ;) And thanks!
Hey! Glad to see you joined us today, but it was only by accident. You should post your link over on my blog so the others can find you too.
This was an interesting use of the prompt. I saw it as she's observing themselves at all the different points in their lives where the church figured prominently. And maybe she's just getting flashes instead of whole scenes but remembers what each flash was from.
Hope to see you next week too :)
Will do! I have a lot of reading to catch up to, and its a good thing they're only 100 words. I'll see what I can do for next week :) Thanks Madison! Another differing interpretation, which is wonderful!
I meant it was by accident that I found you, lol, not that you joined us by accident!
It's beautiful. It gives me a kind of "The Time Traveler's Wife" vibe, but in reverse, assuming that you are going for a spec fic angle. Even without one, I'm loving this. It's quite sentimental.
Thanks Harry! It could go both ways I think. Maybe it's just in her mind, or maybe she really is traveling through time.
Very nice - sweet but melancholic. I always feel bad when I compare people's work to existing material but this did remind me of recent Doctor Who episodes with Rory and Amy always managing to end up together again, even though time is messing them around.
Thanks David :) Doctor Who did actually cross my mind! I was just contemplating of how tricky things must get when you mess with time... and not just for the characters, but for the writers who have to keep all those parallel plots of time organized. Not an easy feat!
Hi T.S.,
Loved your story. didn't notice the 'ors'. Thought you nailed it.
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you Doug!
This was so refreshing after all the creepy responses -- haha. And it felt so natural, what a lovely flow. Thanks for writing and reading! See you next week :)
haha, I suppose it's because the photo is rather ominous! Thank you :)
What a nice piece!
"Or maybe it's my last day on Earth. I can't remember. Not that I would."
Sorry, it just came to me. lol.
Oh nice one Seph! That would make a wonderful next line... and then could turn this into the opening for an entire novel :)
Vhy sank you, fraulein…
Pretty powerful stuff!
It reads like the opening paragraph of a much bigger story. I think I'm just naturally pessimistic, but if she goes into that house, she isn't gonna find anything but dust (and more memories).
Thanks Jay! It does feel like it could be a beginning. Hehe I see several possibilities in my mind - some pessimistic, and some not quite so.