The coffee machines are organizing. I dare not speak too loudly, because I believe I may be in danger. Who knows what they might slip into the cream?
I noticed something strange about two months ago. I'm not a regular coffee drinker, and so I didn't pay attention at first. I chocked it up to mechanical malfunctions, or perhaps a slip of the fingers on the buttons. But one day I started to pay attention. I pressed the usual button, and noticed that my cup only filled up half way. I checked the settings. Everything seemed right. Maybe I was remembering wrong? Maybe my cup was too big?
I went to a different machine the next time I needed a coffee. I pressed the same button, and the coffee almost spilled over the edge. It sloshed around as I lifted it out of the cradle. Odd! Maybe the first machine was calibrated differently, I thought to myself, but suspicions started to nag at the back of my head.
I made sure to go back to the same machine a day later. The black drip barely filled the bottom of the cup, full of grit, lacking any of the usual froth.
Then came the palpitations. I switched to decaf a few months ago because the caffeine was tough on my stomach. The decaf is usually ok, but every once in a while, my coffee tastes different. It sends my heart racing. I can almost swear (though I have no proof) that the machines are messing with my head.
I look at the machine, and it stares back. "She looks tired today, let's give her the strongest thing we have." or "Oh, no, she's already bouncing, don't fill the cup!"
My current hypothesis that the machines are experimenting on us, dispensing doses of caffeine to regulate our mammalian moods, and manipulate our productivity. They're talking with each other over the network. The marketing folks always talk about smart software. It's a reality.
I'm not sure whether or not our office is ground zero, but be careful. Pay attention.
In the meantime I've switched to tea.
I'm a tea drinker myself. I don't trust that damn coffee, either. ;)
Ahh yes, with a perfectly measured tea bag, it's hard to go wrong.
Love the smell of coffee, but not the taste. If we never brew it, do we win the war?
I think it's the safest bet.
Evil coffee machines! Mwahahaha....
Fun stuff. :D
They are. And... *ashamed* I succumbed yet again. *sipping on decaf - or at least I hope it is*
Hmm. Makes me grateful that I don't drink coffee. Who'd have thought that the inevitable machine revolution would start with coffee makers?
It's perfect really. No one would ever suspect...
This is delightfully silly. Just what I need in the melodrama of a Friday morning. Are you going to pop it into #fridayflash? Because I'm about to tweet it out as such.
I think I will! Thanks John :)
Skynet has come online...it'll be the rise of the machines! Starting with coffee machines. Next, the parking meters will come to life.
Watch your credit cards! They may start diverting funds...
:-O Sometimes we must wonder about technology…It's a scary world, made even smarter by machines who seem to be out to get us…
That's pretty scary. Keep on your toes, Tessa, and maybe you might want to start manually brewing your own coffee…
You know, maybe I should look into a french press or something... that could work! Plunger, glass, meal, no electrical components? HRM now you have me thinking.
This is Anthony's Kindle. I'm not letting Anthony read this post, because it might make him uneasy.
AH HAH! Another conspirator! The plot thickens.
Sometimes my coffee maker clogs, hot water just doesn't make it down into the carafe at all and it flows out instead onto the counter. Sometimes I set it and go away for a while and when I return, ready as ever for my first cup, I find this sort of chaos. Perhaps my coffee maker's been conspiring with yours. . . .
I wouldn't be surprised. It sounds like yours wants a little more attention. Very needy.
Love it, and especially the rhythm and voice in the first two paragraphs. (Although the whole thing is lovely.)
Thank you!