This is my #FridayFlash and Author Aerobics: Make it Fresh exercise. This week I've taken on vampires. It was harder than I thought to try and come up with something fresh. This could have quickly gone the way of satire, but turned into something else...
Thirst
by T.S. Bazelli
Samuel's lips opened like rusted gates. The sides of his mouth were cracked and raw from the effort, and the words came out malformed, a hot exhalation. There was hardly enough moisture on his tongue to form the word. "Son."
What had he been thinking, bringing his boy to the desert with him? The arguments ran through his head for the thousandth time. He'd been so selfish, so desperate to spend time with his son, that he had pleaded with Kelly. When that did not work, he had the lawyers to back him up. He was entitled to the time. He had not realized how little time that would be.
Johann was making sand castles, looking like a ghost, a memory of better times, under the light of the moon.
Samuel climbed out of the half-buried range rover and his cheek kissed the sand as he stumbled. Part of a woman's leg gleamed bluish white in the moonlight. The rest of the body lay beneath a blanket of sand. Crescent shaped marks, one the size of a boy's mouth, one the size of an adult's, marred the flesh.
He'd done what any father would have done, he insisted, and pleaded with his mind. Hunger had long since died away. The thirst was everything. Their water had run out a week ago. They should have been dead like the others.
"Help will be here in a three days." His throat ached with the effort of speech. "Do you remember what I told you?"
"I remember daddy." Johann sifted the sand between his fingers. "Stay in the car when the sun's out. Don't tell anyone I'm a vampire."
"That's right." Samuel sat down on the sand beside his son. The bandage on the boy's neck was dirt soaked but the two evenly spaced pricks had healed nicely. They would not leave a scar he thought.
There was no other choice. Johann had to survive. Under the light of the moon Samuel's plan seemed foolish, crazy even. He'd cut the two small incisions with his knife, while the boy was sleeping. He'd hardly felt a thing. There had been no other way to convince his son to drink. First the others. Now...
"Now drink." He held out his arm. No food. No water. He needed nourishment, liquid at the very least.
Johann's teeth bit down on his wrist, he felt the liquor of his life being sucked away. Samuel would have cried out in pain if he had any breath left. Death would take him soon... "Don't tell anyone."
"No daddy." Johann smiled, his teeth dark with blood. His cheeks still full and flush, and healthy. Three more days. He hoped he had enough to give, so at least one of them would survive. "You're a vampire too right?"
Samuel smiled and didn't answer. He'd already lied to the boy once. Another lie couldn't hurt. "Of course Johann. It's our secret. Everything will be fine in the morning."
A father has to do what a father has to do... And sometimes it requires them to lie to their children and feed them with his own blood. It's a surreal form of paternal sacrifice and I loved it. It's very, very harrowing. And way to make vampires fresh again.
The second paragraph feels a little forced, since the whole desert situation is not a new development and the thoughts the father has are fitting, if the crash has just happened. But this is just me. Otherwise, gripping.
That is very good feedback. I'll see if I can tweak that a little bit. And thank you Harry! Good to see I manged to get the idea got across. I was worried about that.
This is heartbreaking, strangely justified and beautiful.
Thanks Carrie!
Wonderful fresh take on the vampire tale. Love for one's child comes before everything else.
Excellent story.
Thank you Gracie :)
Nicely done! I was wondering about the crescent-shaped marks. Great twist at the end.
CD
I was worried that made it way too obvious. I'm glad there was still a twist in there for you. Thanks Cecilia!
Indeed, this really was a great, fresh take on vampires. And both so creepy and so wrenching. Fantastic.
And man... if that boy survives... he's gonna be one messed up kid.
Thanks Stephen! He'll need therapy for sure....
Wow. And no, I disagree (respectfully!) with Stephen: if that boy survives, someday he will marvel at the sacrifice his father made for him.
This might be my favorite vampire story ever! (It could use some fleshing out, no pun intended, but if you did that, I think you could get it published!)
I'd hope the boy would! That would be the best possible outcome. And thank you, I never thought this story would get such a positive reaction. Maybe I can flesh it out... hmm...
Nice take. I like that it's set in a desert as well ;) This was brief, but expertly done with a lot of content in very little space. Nice simmering depth to the main character as well.
Hehe the desert was the idea that started it all. What's the one place you wouldn't expect to find a vampire? A sunny desert without shade. Thanks Aidan!
Interesting, I hadn't thought of desert as being that inimical to Vampires; but now that you mention it. BTW, I don't know if you heard this radiolab segment, but listen to the tasmanian devils; it reminded me of a take on vampires. http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2010/05/07
Hi T.S. Bazelli,
I have an award for you!
http://johnsmithbooks.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-got-award.html
Yay! Thanks John! Going to check it out right away.
Will the bite trigger conversion of the father, or is he killing himself here by giving the boy a meal? If the latter, I can't help but be mad at daddy for abandoning his boy. He needs a caretaker, and who is more familiar than your own father?
He's giving his son a meal so the boy will survive. They're not really vampires (not sure if that was clear) - it was just a lie to get the boy to ingest some fluids. Daddy's not going to live through the night, so the idea was that he's trying to give his son a slim chance of survival since they've long run out of food and water.
Selfish of the father? Wrong of the father? Not quite rational? Maybe.
A sad story but well done. Resorting to any kind of cannibalism to survive is always gruesome, but the father's love outweighs the grimness.
Thanks Valerie! I'm glad that the gruesomeness did not overwhelm the tale. I was afraid of that.
Wow. Very emotional! What a great tale. Parental love will drive people to do anything for their children, which you show here in the extreme and even technically not with people. I really enjoyed it :)
Thank you Miss. Rosemary! Glad you enjoyed it.
Loved the fresh take on vampires. It was touching and beautiful, in a strange sort of way. A really great piece.
Thanks Laurita!
I understand the father's motivation but that will be one messed up kid, thinking he's really a vampire!
Yeah, hopefully he'll grow up to understand what happened, but it's a terrible thing for anyone to have to go through.
And just when I thought I’ve read everything that there is to read about Vampires! Great story Tessa- love the father/son angle :)
Thanks Lua!
Wow, very cool story. A dad's got to do what a dad's got to do.